character from the lesbian mystery series by rosalyn wraight

Archive for August, 2007

Hey, Gay Republicans!

See, gays are generally an accepting, peaceable group. Discrimination often — but certainly not always — tends to make a soul more sympathetic to the plights of others.

It’s “your side” that tends to be filled with hatred…hiding behind self-righteousness and passing judgment.

When your “glass closets” come crashing down around you, I feel no sympathy. Had your “glass closet” been used as merely a survival tool, then I would, as I do not like to see people suffer. But when it has been used to protect a secret that reeks with pompous hypocrisy — allowing you to inflict suffering on others and to perpetuate hate — it doesn’t do a whole lot more than make me sick to my stomach.

See, if you were just honest with yourself and accepted who you are, “our side” would welcome you, Republican and all. It’s “your side” that will shun and ridicule. Just the hate-mongers would abandon you.

We would not.

Seriously, come on out. The light burns worse inside a “glass closet” and you don’t have to worrying about throwing stones.

Then you won’t have to stand on national television and profess, “I have never been gay!” (“And I apparently have never heard of the ‘How do you make Ben gay?’ joke; otherwise I would have made a better choice of words.”)

Oh, and make sure to ask yourself if your fellow GOPers want you to resign because you broke the law or because of what the circumstances imply. I, myself, think you should resign because broke the law and because you are a hypocrite.

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It Takes Balls

Paraphrasing this fine piece of journalism:

Man’s balls hurt.
I’ve heard this is a line guys use to get sex.

Man asks doctors to remove balls.
That’s a first, huh?

The doctors don’t have the balls to do it for him.
Betcha money he had a crappy HMO.

Man hires “professionals” to do the deed in a DIY home surgical unit.
Betcha he found ‘em on CraigsList and got the DIY plans from how2dostuff.com.

The “professionals” vanish with the man’s balls.
Betcha those are on eBay.

Man’s “groin area” bleeds heavily.
One minute a scrotum; next, groin area.

Man calls daughter.
“Hi, Peanut. Listen, Daddy’s balls are missing and…”

Daughter calls for help.
Duh! But for whom?

Now I guess I shouldn’t have too hard a time wondering why this guy wasn’t reading this Lesbian Detective’s blog — even though that makes much more sense to me than asking to have your balls chopped off — but anyway… Had the guy simply read my blog, he would have known how to fix his problem: simply attend a Buddy Squirrel Early Bird Sale.

That’s why I’m a fictional public servant, and he is without non-fictional balls.

Just in case you were wondering.

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