Run for the Shadows
Get a load of this: “Constipation Linked to Aggression in Nursing Home Residents.”
Constipation can trigger physical aggression in a nursing home resident with dementia, researchers here reported. In a large group of residents with dementia, those with constipation were about as likely to exhibit aggressive physical behavior as those who experienced hallucinations…
Yes, according to the powers that be, physical and verbal violence stems from 4 causes:
- Depression — don’t give a shit
- Delusions — pure shit
- Hallucinations — Holy shit!
- Constipation — can’t give a shit
The aging process is already humiliating and unnerving. Now, I gotta worry about this?
I can already wear a blue funk that’d make a drag queen swoon. (Wild women do, too, get the blues.) I’m already prone to delusions of grandeur. (Highly refined ones, of course.) I already fantasize. (Please don’t tell Holly.) And the clincher: I’m already anal-retentive.
I’ll be smackin’ orderlies before the state can liquify my assets. (Which may alleviate constipation. Hmmm… Is that why they take everything you own?) I’ll be the cantankerous old women with the penchant for the f-word. They’ll slide my dinner tray under the door and run. People will congregate outside my window on Halloween, pointing, waiting for a glimpse of me in all my unholiness. I will growl just to hear them shriek. Priests will throw holy water. Crosses on walls will spontaneously spin and stop at up-side-down.
God, I’m working myself into a perimenopausal frenzy! Back to the reality!! Back to the article…
Okay, yadda, yadda…effective treatment may reduce the risk of violence in nursing homes…yadda, yadda…
Stop the presses!
When you get near the bottom of the article, you get this little nugget…
It is not clear whether physical aggression may be related to…interventions such as suppositories that may elicit a defensive action by some residents
Well, doesn’t that offer a shitload of insight! Huh? Are some older folks aggressive because they are constipated or because some asshole orderly is shoving a suppository where the frickin’ sun hasn’t shone for a century?
It’s not clear to you scholarly researchers you? It’s not clear?!
It’s suddenly perfectly clear to me.
Wish upon, wish upon, day upon day, I believe oh lord
I believe all the way
Come get up my baby
Run for the shadows, run for the shadows, run for the shadows in these golden yearsNothin’s gonna touch you in these Golden Years, gold
Golden years, gold whop whop whop
Thanks, David.
