Coming in 4th
At weddings we throw rice, not gun powder.
Best of luck. Kaboom!
For birthdays, we light birthday candles, not Roman Candles.
Happy Birthday. Kaboom!
On Christmas, we hang mistletoe, not sparking, popping Dart Wheels.
Merry Christmas. Kaboom!
For Valentine’s Day, we give heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, not explosive Heart Stoppers.
Won’t you be mine? Kaboom!
At graduations, we toss caps, not M-80s.
Congratulations. Kaboom!
When babies are born, we give cigars, smokeable ones or bubble gum ones but not exploding ones.
Welcome to the world. Kaboom!
Yet on the 4th of July (plus one+ week prior and one+ week after), Americans (even in the midst of a war) make our Land of the Free sound like a war zone, fill the ERs, spend a fortune, and make otherwise-well-behaved dogs piss on the floor.
God bless America. Kabooooooooooooooooooooom!
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